My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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