You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
