Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
