i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
honey bunches of taint.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
