he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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