I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
thus making me awesome and them whores
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
