but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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