She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
