I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
