No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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