No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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