Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
