My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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