I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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