You made me cry and you don't even care
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
