Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
