I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
