If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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