I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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