It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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