Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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