i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
