he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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