I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
