OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize