Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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