so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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