sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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