Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How does one acquire holy water?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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