Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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