dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
