Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
