So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Soap is not a condiment
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
