If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
