I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need a burrito and a hug.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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