is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
