i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
