I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
