There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
