Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
