3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
