There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
