do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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