mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
