I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
