She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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