you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
