did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
