You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
