you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
