He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
