i don't like sucking hair
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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