Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
