He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
