I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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