Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
