Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I want to be your penis for a week.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
