I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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