real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
