i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
