Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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