your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
