I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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