We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
