atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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