I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
