WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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