She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
