I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
