Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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