I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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