Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
