I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
