The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
