my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize