Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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