Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
