walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize