I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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