My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
