I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
