She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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