that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish you could order shots online.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
