In the future we'll all be gay
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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