Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
