But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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