so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
