I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
